With spring finally here, the world is filled with hope and rebirth. This is the post New year, “new year.” The flowers are in bloom and the weather is lovely. Or that’s what you would expect. Instead, reality is an ice cold bucket of water to the face. Instead of thinking as the end of March and the beginning of April as joyous times, it is the time when souls are crushed. Especially if you’re a senior in high school. This time marks when almost everyone’s final schools are coming out with their decisions. It doomsday for those that are applying to Ivies and may other schools like Rice, U Chicago, UC Berkeley.
I personally applied to 4 schools: UT Austin, Baylor, Wash U, and Berkeley. While, I’ve heard back from 3 of them, the last one is possibly the worst. My dilemma is that the chances of me getting into Berkeley are slim. And though I know this, hearing about my closest friends getting into Rice, one of their top choices, is slowly giving me hope that maybe I have a chance. This glimmer of hope is my worst enemy. At this point, I’ve accepted that I will attend UT and I know I’ll be happy there. There’s just a voice in the back of my head telling me that it’s not good enough. I know UT Austin is a good, even great school! I understand how fortunate I am to be a future Longhorn and that many would kill to be in my place. Though I know all of this, there’s a part of me that is constantly saying “I’m not good enough.”
Sometimes I feel that because I run in the same circles as my friends, I should be getting similar results. I may not be exactly the same, but I should be comparable. It makes me feel that I should have applied to some of the Ivies, or even Stanford because if they can do it, why shouldn’t I be able to. The feelings of inadequacy and even jealousy make me feel horrible. I am so proud of my friends for getting into Rice! I truly am. I am overjoyed that all their hard work payed off because they deserve it. Unfortunately, some negative feelings have tagged along. Seeing my friends become successful in their endeavors is so amazing and thrilling, but at the same time, my competitive nature drags me down. All I can see is all the ways I don’t measure up.
I know that this mentality is unhealthy and that others success shouldn’t make me unhappy, but I guess I’m just not that big of a person. I am honestly proud of everything that everyone is achieving, but at the same time, it’s hard to be 100% genuine when you aren’t successful in the same ways. Thankfully, I didn’t apply to all the same big schools as my friends. If I did, I think I would have literally become situationally depressed, especially in this time when all the big decisions are coming out.
I am waiting on Berkeley and honestly, I’m dreading it. I’ve tried to be more realistic in telling myself I won’t get in because I don’t want to be too disappointed. When the decision comes out on Thursday, I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I don’t get in I’ll still be disappointed, but I’m hoping the rejection won’t have too strong of an impact. If I do get in, I’ll be over the moon! Only time (2 days specifically) will tell.
Thinking about college isn’t always the most uplifting thing and is actually generally pretty depressing, in case you didn’t get that from everything ^ above. Although it seems like there is a dark cloud over my head, which there totally is, I’ll try to end this post with a more optimistic perspective. If you’re a high school senior and are awaiting for all your decisions to come in, try not to worry too much. If you’ve already gotten into a school, be grateful for that, even if it isn’t your first choice. Don’t be like me and dwell on the fact that others are doing better or that you didn’t get exactly what you wanted. Though the disappointment will be extremely real, things will work out in the end. You never know, maybe your “safety” or secondary school will end up being a great fit. Your life at your first choice school could be as amazing as you dreamed it would be, or it could be your worst nightmare. Though college is the next ginormous stage in our lives, it really isn’t everything. Of course it’s important to get a good education, I understand that probably better than anyone, but at the same time, it’s not the end of your life or the end of the world if you get passed up on your dream school. As cheesy and cliché as it sounds, I would like to think that life has a funny way of working itself out. So in case that wasn’t enough to make things a little less gloomy, here are some videos that just make me really happy and maybe they’ll have the same effect on you.
Sorry this post was so long and not about beauty. This blog was intended to be mainly about beauty, but I figured that with my blog being titled what it is, it would be nicer to get a little personal, even though this doesn’t in any way display my awkward tendencies.